Because our little family is looking to get out of the self-perpetuating cycle of throwing our money away on rent and because Frankie and I had a Sunday afternoon with nothing to do, I set out to see how many open houses I could visit from 11:00AM to 3:00PM on this past Sunday. We’re not working with a broker (mainly because we don’t really want anyone to point out the fact that we can’t afford to buy a postage stamp sized apartment in Manhattan) so I bought a copy of the Times and laid out a game plan for our day. Frankie was great – he tolerated the stroller for nearly the whole 4 hours, which is a new record. He charmed all of the real estate agents and fellow open house attendees like a pro. I really think he’s going to be our biggest asset when it comes to actually buying something. What seller won’t be motivated to “make it work” for us when they see his cute little toothless smile?
As a public service to friends, family, readers, etc. I’m sharing our experiences so you can see what I’m talking about when I lament that we can’t afford to become masters of our own real estate destiny and will probably be renting until we die. At the very least, this should get my mother off my back, she thinks it’s just sheer laziness that we haven’t bought anything yet. Those of you who are New Yorkers will see this as just a typical cross section of what you can buy for less than ½ a million. My intention isn’t to rehash what we all know – my intention is to inform those of you outside of the area about my plight – so you can all stop thinking I’m a juvenile bum who just doesn’t want to settle down and have a mortgage.
This was our first stop. Entirely affordable – low cost, low maintenance – everything we’re looking for, EXCEPT room to live. It wasn’t the smallest apartment I’ve ever seen (that’ll come later), but it was pretty small. The building was a walk up – but the apartment was on the first floor (an essential for the stroller). The living area was small (at least a third of the size of our current living room) and the kitchen had just enough room for an oven, sink and fridge and one person to stand between the three. Downstairs was the bedroom which did have an alcove for Frankie. It’s a step down from his own room (which he has now) but workable. Besides, how much of “my own room” can a six month old baby really understand. He’ll never know the difference. All this compromise for the low, low price of $423,000.
516 E. 78th Street #4H
I have no link for this one – I think the realtors were too embarrassed to publish it. I read the ad (real 2 bedroom, $369K, $540 Maintenance) and I thought “there’s got to be something garishly wrong with this apartment”. So we set out to find out what the proverbial fly in the ointment could be. We were buzzed in to a really lovely building. It’s on 78th street steps from the East River and you walked through a gate into a pretty courtyard that was so large Frankie could totally learn to ride his bike and run around to his hearts content. At each corner of the open space were staircases snaking up to the 6th floor. Okay, so this was a walk up. Not good, but not a deal breaker. $360K for a 2 bedroom, come on, people. I’d be happy to bulk up my thighs for that. I extract Frankie from the stroller (he’s very excited about this) and we hike up to the 4th floor. Gasping for air, we knock and then enter what’s sure to be the apartment of our dreams…
It’s funny how much brokers can exaggerate. By funny I mean maddening. I mean I was thinking of dragging this one out by her bleach blond hair and sending her tumbling down the four flights of stairs I had just climbed. It’s a good thing I was holding Frankie.
Apparently by “real 2 bedroom” they meant that there were really two bedrooms and nothing else. The bath was so tiny that the tub extended into an alcove and you had to climb in from the bottom. The “living room” was what most, generous people would call a foyer. They had installed a mirror on the wall (to make the 3x5 space appear bigger) and a café table and chairs. Off of the foyer was a galley kitchen, which may or may not have had a dishwasher, sub zero fridge, and state of the art chef’s stove, I just didn’t care at this point. Although I really liked the building (courtyard, next to a park, the East River promenade, etc.) There was NO WAY we could live in that apartment. Where would we sit? Where would our big screen TV go? On to the next place…
I’ll start this out by saying that the price of this apartment ($510,00) was a little past our range. But with the right % down and a low maintenance, we might be able to swing it. So I went in with the expectation of not being able to afford it. Boy, was I right. The board wanted 25% down and the maintenance was $1,118 a month. This translates to a down payment of $127,500 and a monthly payment (mortgage and maintenance) of $3,536 (calculated thanks to the corcoran.com mortgage calculator). I should point out to non-New Yorkers, this is pretty normal. Non-withstanding, we can’t afford it. And, just to rub some salt in the wound, the agent tells me that the board is looking for the buyer to have 3 years worth of mortgage and maintenance in the bank AFTER the down payment. I’m not even going to bother describing this apartment to you because it’s not even worth it. Suffice it to say, it was nice, if weirdly decorated, and we could totally live there.
What can I say about this one. “Needs a little TLC” was an understatement. The appliances and fixtures were 20 years old. The apartment was a little over 700 square feet, it could have fit our bedroom, a small nursery for Frankie and our living room. We’d have to move the dining room furniture out to the patio (which was nice) but then it’d get all wet if it rained. Still, a nice amount of space for the money ($429K) and a low maintenance, but it was in the basement. The outdoor space was actually below street level – so I’m not sure how much sun you would be able to expect. Not that I should knock private outdoor space – I’ll take it no matter what condition it’s in. This was actually a decent place, a bit run down but for the price you could invest a little in fixing it up.
We’ve looked at a place in this building before and I have a feeling we might end up here. This apartment was a little too small for all three of us – but we looked at a 2 bedroom before that was only $400K. The maintenance was a whopping $1,800, though. On Sunday, Frankie and I saw a one bedroom that was a nice size – but would be difficult to build a nursery anywhere. The price was right, at $329,000 (and a reasonable maintenance of $1,080) I think we just need to find a lower maintenance 2 BR or a different 1BR layout that would give us room for Frankie.
All in all, not an unproductive day. Frankie and I got a lot of exercise and we saw some okay places and some doozies. Those of you who live in New York are probably thinking that I’m just being a whiny baby. Among these 5 apartments there were maybe 2 that we could work with and afford, with lots of compromises (living in a basement, living on top of each other, etc.) I guess our problem is that for half a million dollars – why do we have to have so many compromises? Anywhere else in this country you could buy something really nice for that amount of money. I’d really like to be able to up our window to $600K or more, so I think our little family needs to buckle down and save the difference for a down payment. Of course, by the time we save an extra $100K prices will have risen by exactly that much and we’ll be in the same boat.
Thanks for reading my rant – next time I’ll try to take pictures…
Thanks for the post! A fun read for someone in Minneapolis. $500K will get you a very nice house here, with no maintenance, and a yard, and a porch and stuff. Quite a perspective builder. Good luck in your search.
Posted by: Joey | August 25, 2004 at 07:41 PM
Absolutely hilarious!!! I'm a broker with Corcoran and coming from a backround in the art world, I'm finding NYC real estate good fodder for a screenplay ala "Best in Show". Real estate people are a fake, selfless shallow people (with a handful exceptions). Keep up the good work, and keep sending your musings to Curbed. E-mail me if you need some advice.....I can point you in the direction of apts. a little bigger than postage stamps.
Cheers!
Posted by: Andrew McIntyre | August 25, 2004 at 10:03 PM
I'm from Barcelona, Spain and although the prices are almost as high as NewYork's the maintenance fees are an order of magnitude less. What does the maintenance include? Heat, electricity? I pay 120$ and we have a doorman 12h a day.
Posted by: Alberto Garcia | August 26, 2004 at 08:16 AM
This really really really boggles my mind. In my beautiful home state of Connecticut, all that money for mortgage and maint. will get you a freakin mansion. I even lived in the city for 4 years and I still can't believe it. Whatever.
Posted by: Nikki | August 26, 2004 at 09:06 AM
To all of you non-New Yorkers, you are right. You will get more for your money elsewhere.
But you also aren't living in New York, which I find to be a travesty all its own ;)
to each his or her own
Posted by: Jeff | August 26, 2004 at 11:20 AM
You should definitely check out Grand Street on the Lower East Side. Much more affordable than the Upper East Side with private playgrounds for the baby and tons of young families. All apartments are large with good sunlight too.
www.elliman.com/Listing.aspx?ListingID=611355&SearchType=quick">http://www.elliman.com/Listing.aspx?ListingID=611355&SearchType=quick
www.lohorealty.com
We have a 13 month old baby and love the neighborhood.
Posted by: Kneel | August 26, 2004 at 11:51 AM
some tips for getting what you want...dont live in saturated neighborhoods. if you want manhattan, try upper west side above 96th st. try harlem, try inwood, try hamilton heights. try anything but a hoity-toity upper east side which is so overpriced, even millionaires are "settling" for 550 sq ft one bedrooms. also go to HPD's website for new affordable developments. get creative...
Posted by: yojimbot | August 26, 2004 at 01:45 PM
I guess You must be live in 444 East 75th Street #6A. You are not even going to bother describing this apartment to Us because it’s not even worth it. Because Suffice it to say, it was nice, if weirdly decorated, and you guys could totally live there.
Posted by: Term paper | February 15, 2010 at 06:36 AM